i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
