you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize