Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
