So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
