somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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