What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
