Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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