Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
