Your face is a jimmy john
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
