we have officially lost it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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