I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
