i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
