Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
