if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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