They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
