he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she told me i tasted like america
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
