Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
