I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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