Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
