Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
