i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
