Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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