I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
