hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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