You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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