All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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