i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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