Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
