You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
