doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
