Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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