Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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