At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
