Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
