Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
