Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So much rum. So many feels.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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