Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
