I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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