I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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