Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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