Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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