I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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