If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
