I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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