so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
