I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
