checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
