Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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