naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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