I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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