We're facebook friends in real life
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
